A Fine Line
by BuJyo
Summary: Mary and Raph's relationship deteriorates and turf wars ensue. An angst-ridden look at how even a strong person can be worn down. Adult situations, non consensual sex and strong language. M/M Friendship and love.
1. Chapter 1

***** Sometimes there is a fine line between right and wrong. Adult situations and angst throughout. Again, I malign Raph's character...but he's never around to defend himself! M/M strong friendship. Spoilers everywhere.*****

**Three months after Mary was shot**

Her first week back at work was exhausting, frustrating, stressful and wonderful. She had begun to go stir crazy at home with all the people in her house. People who continuously demanded things from her even though she should've been the one to demand from them. Raph tried to dote on her at first, which he quickly found was the wrong approach, so then he just sulked instead. She was the one who had to comfort him and assure him she was going to be o.k. "_God…they suck the life out of me…_" she decided. "Maybe I ought to just get my own apartment and let them have the house." she murmured out loud.

"What?" said Marshall, looking at her from his desk.

"Nothing," she replied, shaking her head and rolling her eyes, "just a little daydream…happiness and light you know."

"I'm glad you're back, by the way." He said, grinning at her in a way that made her wary.

"Thanks…I think." she returned, "what's up?"

His grin got bigger, "I've been working really hard on something and I thought you may appreciate my efforts." He leaned down and when he looked back up, shot a spitball from a straw that hit her smack dab in the middle of her forehead. The expression on her face was priceless and he prepared to die.

"Oh…you didn't" she said incredulously as she reached up to remove the offending object. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Marshall reloading and the game was afoot. She grabbed her straw from her drawer and ducked down behind her desk to avoid his volleys as she frantically tried to make ammunition. Soon, the air between the two Marshals' desks was a death zone of flying saliva. Stan, ever oblivious to the antics of his Inspectors, walked right into it.

They froze as four little wads of wet, sticky paper stuck to Stan's face and head. He stood stock still and had his eyes closed when he spoke, "Are those spitwads?" he questioned in a flat tone.

"Mmmhmmm" replied Mary, staring at Marshall and biting her lips to keep from laughing.

Stan then continued, "And are they stuck to my face?"

"Mmmmhmm" offered Marshall, shoulders shaking in silent laughter as he watched Mary put her head on her arms to hide her shared amusement. Even Eleanor was trying not to laugh across the room.

Stan then commenced to do a little dance of disgust as he brushed the wads off his face and retreated to the bathroom saying, "Oh my God…that's disgusting! Get back to work or I'm grounding you both…God…get them off!" His voice trailing away as he reached the restroom.

Pandemonium erupted in the office. Marshall almost fell out of his chair and was laughing and snorting at the same time, Eleanor laughed and shook her head as tears rolled down her face and Mary held her hands tightly over her abdomen as she laughed and whined at the same time, "Ow ow ow…shit! Stop laughing, it hurts!...ow…I'm blaming you both when I can't sit up tomorrow!" Which, of course, only made everyone laugh more. It was a full twenty minutes before order was loosely restored and they were all gasping for air.

She smiled all the way home after that first week. It only took fifteen minutes for the smile to be replaced by a scowl after walking through her front door.

"Raph, we talked about this so many times! Do not fix the house! The FBI assholes are going to pay for it and fix it. That's what I want, why is that so hard?" Raphael had patched one of the larger holes in the wall while she was gone that day.

"It's hard because I have to live here too, Mary!" Raphael shot back. He always looked like a beaten puppy when they argued. "I get tired of waking up everyday and seeing this damn mess…how can you live like this?" He just wanted to please her, to have her come to him and thank him and he felt as thought he failed miserably at every turn. There was nothing he had control over…nothing.

"It's **my** house…not **your** house!" she snapped, waving her arms, "You don't **have** to live here…you invited yourself!"

"Well, soon it will be **our** house, and then we will see who fixes the walls!" he announced as he walked to the kitchen. He knew he was going to have to grow a bigger pair to deal with Mary. He had let her walk all over him for so long because he thought he was being understanding…being a good role model for her. He remembered that Brandi had told him he was "whipped" today. He had to ask what that meant and it stung.

She followed him, furious. "What's **that** supposed to mean? Do you think you get to make the rules when we're married? You have a surprise coming, Raph, if you think you're going to be able to change the way I do things!" Mary's voice was raised to a yell now.

Raphael's shoulders slumped and he turned to regard her with those sad eyes. "No, Mary. I don' think I will make the rules. But I think you need to let me have some say in matters of the house. I only want to help you." He reached out to rub her upper arms and she felt bad for yelling. "I missed you this week. I was used to you being at home when I was here and now you are back at work and I am a little lonely I guess. I need to ask you to let me help…to let me make decisions and trust me. Is that so hard?"

Mary was still pissed, but let Raph off the hook as usual, as he always made it sound like it was her fault…which she agreed it usually was. "Fine, Raph. We'll figure it out. But I'm telling you again…do not fix up the house." She walked to her room. He had a point. She was having a very hard time giving him any autonomy and she figured he was starting to feel suffocated. But the walls were absolutely and completely off limits. Not only did she want the feds to fix them just to stick the cost on them, but they were a reminder of her anger over a number of things. Anger she wasn't ready to forget yet. Every time Raph fixed a hole it felt like he was trying to hide a piece of her. As though her feelings were too ugly for him and he had to cover them up. "_Maybe I'm just going crazy."_ she thought for the thousandth time.

The rest of the evening was uneventful, but tense as usual when everyone had gotten home. Too many people in a small space. When Mary and Raph went to bed, Mary wasn't in the mood for sex and gently refused Raph's advances saying, "Raph, my stomach's really sore tonight. Can we not?" He pouted and shrugged. "O.k I guess…why are you so sore?"

She chuckled as she retold the spitball war and said, "Marshall and I got laughing so hard that I think I strained something." She turned to him only to see him regarding her with a straight face.

"Oh." He said in a flat tone. "I guess I only get what's left of you after work then." His resentment of her partner had started as a seed after her kidnapping. The fact that she didn't even call him to tell him about it had hurt and then knowing it was Marshall who had provided comfort and solace for those first few weeks just twisted the knife. When she woke at the hospital days after coming off the ventilator from the shooting, it was Marshall she had asked for. Not him…not once for two days was it him. And now she was smiling again…but not because of him.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "_I hurt his feelings earlier and now he's pouting. I guess we can find a way to have sex that doesn't involve me hurting myself._" she thought as she turned to Raphael and showed him she had changed her mind. Raph noticed the hesitation and stored it away to think about later.

Afterwards, scooting to her own side of the bed, she just felt tired. "_Sucking the life out of me…_" the thought repeated itself in her head.

Saturday morning at 6:45am her phone rang and she was called into work for an emergency relocation coming into Albuquerque. She had to untangle an amorous fiancé from her body in order to get ready and he was not amused. "Sorry, baby," she muttered as she quickly showered and changed and kissed him on the nose, "I'll be back when I can." Unfortunately, the transfer became complicated with her and Marshall having to drive the witness to Las Cruces for the night until they could hand her off to Phoenix WITSEC the next day. Mary didn't get home until Sunday evening.

"Where were you?" asked Raph ten minutes after she got in the door. He hated when she disappeared for days. She always came home tired and irritable and treated him like he should just accept the fact she had gone. Now, knowing what she was doing and the dangers she faced, her absence was even harder.

"Raphael…don't start," she warned. She had had three hours of sleep in a moving vehicle with Mr. Trivia and her mood was black. "I can't tell you where I was. I called you last night to tell you I wouldn't be home and that was stretching regs right there."

"I suppose Marshall was with you?" he sneered. It was time to take a stand.

This was a new tactic for Raph. She noticed it pop up occasionally after her hospital stay, and now she noted every time Marshall's name came up Raphael would make a face.

"Yes, Marshall was with me. The job kinda requires that we travel in pairs, and since he's my partner…and has been for four years…we're a bit used to each other." She shook her head at him as she walked by.

"I don't like it…you spending overnights with him." he suddenly said with a dark look on his face.

She looked at him with her mouth open in amazement, "What?!...who said you had to like it? Where is this coming from…this issue with my partner?" she was really curious.

Raph sighed and ran his hands through his hair. "It seems like, when you are at work, you are Marshall's. When you come home, I guess I expect you to be mine and sometimes I feel like you gave all of yourself to him already and have nothing left for me." again the sad, puppy eyes as his expression softened.

Mary wasn't falling for that shit. She had a suspicion Raphael was thinking things he shouldn't be thinking. She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him, "Cut the fucking crap, Raph. One: I don't belong to anyone…you or Marshall. Two: my work is sometimes hard and tiring and there will be times, many times perhaps, that I will come home and have nothing left for you. That's the way it is. And Three: there will be times I don't come home at all. You can assume I'm with Marshall and you should be thankful…the last time I wasn't with him I ended up in the hospital."

As she stomped back to the bedroom she noticed something low on the wall in the hallway and stopped dead in her tracks. She couldn't believe it. She whirled on Raph and yelled, "I told you not…to...fix…the…house!" There were three freshly patched holes near the baseboards.

"They were just small holes" he said, turning and walking away from her.

She closed herself into the bedroom before she killed him. Defending her relationship with Marshall was not a path Mary was going to take with Raph. She would put her foot down and squash that little noxious topic like a bug. A yawn as big as Texas overwhelmed her and she was in the bed and asleep fifteen minutes later.

Raph joined her late that evening and began his usual ministrations to her body. She had been sleeping soundly, and by the time she awoke, he was on top and nuzzling her ear and consummating the deal. She pushed at him and squirmed to get out from under him. He was surprised and rolled off protesting.

"Jesus, Raph!" she sat up and tried to shake her sleepy state, "What the hell are you doing? You can't have sex with me while I'm asleep! That's just fucking weird."

"I knew you were tired, and you were making noises like you were happy, so I thought it was o.k! It's not like we haven't done that before." he looked genuinely confused. Mary was a very sound sleeper and he had given up trying to wake her for sex quite a while ago. She'd never woken up in the moment before and he was surprised by her reaction.

"What?! You've had sex with me while I was sleeping?" she was disturbed by this for some reason.

"Sometimes…you don't seem to mind. And you're so tired, I don't want to wake you." He still didn't see the issue and was getting angry that she was going to try to control even this.

She stared at him incredulously and said, "I'm not a damn toy, Raph! You can't just get me out to play whenever you want…God! What if I didn't want to?" she was upset, but couldn't quite put her finger on the problem. It's not as though she wasn't sleeping in the bed naked with the man. It wasn't like they didn't already have an established sexual relationship. And he wasn't hurting her…so why did it just make her feel…squirmy?

"Oh, give me a break, Mary. You always want to…when you finally get into the mood. Sometimes it just takes you a little while to warm up when you're tired." He was pissed that she was making a big deal out of this. "You get to run everything around here. Maybe I just like to have you do it my way sometimes…do something for me. It's pretty sad that you have to be asleep for that."

He looked so dejected that her anger faded a bit, but his words still irked her. "I'll give you that our timing is awful sometimes, Raph, but that doesn't mean you can take something like this into your own hands. It really makes me uncomfortable and I'd like you to stop it." Then feeling guilty that she had possibly been enough of a bitch lately to make him feel he had to sneak in sex, she crawled over and ran her hand down his chest with a smile, "Anyway, I'm warmed up now and it's a lot better if I'm awake." He smiled and they entwined. The session was long, and she was tired and didn't enjoy it as much as she would've liked. She just couldn't shake the wrongness she had felt earlier. As Raph snored, she laid awake. Finally giving up on sleep, she got up to go into work.

***** Toil and trouble. Just a start...let me know what you think! You know I love reviews :) *****


	2. Chapter 2

***** The turf war has begun and it won't get any prettier. Lot's of uncomfortable angst ahead...beware of ethical dilemmas. No spoilers *****

**Monday 7:10 am**

Marshall was really surprised to see her there earlier than him and checked the clock on the wall against his watch again.

"It's right," she said with a half smile, "I couldn't sleep and I'm just early." She looked tired and pensive.

"Bad night?" he asked.

"Just weird." she returned. A few minutes later, she started to ask, "Have you ever had…never mind." She shook her head and turned to her work.

"What?" he said, sensing it was a question that had been rolling around in her head for a while this morning.

"Nothing…it's random shit." she waved it off.

About twenty minutes later, he noticed she was just staring at her desk with a look of stress on her face. "O.k…out with it. What's bugging you? You're not getting anything productive done over there so talk to Dr. Mann." Marshall prodded her.

Mary eyed Eleanor and looked back over at Marshall, chewing on her bottom lip. "I'm not really comfortable…" she trailed of as she discreetly jerked her chin towards Eleanor. He narrowed his eyes at her thoughtfully. Mary had never been uncomfortable about discussing a topic in front of anyone. "_Odd._" he thought.

"Hey Mare, you hungry? There's a new greasy spoon I want to try for breakfast." he stated a bit overly loudly, winking at her.

"Oh yeah! I'm ravenous. I'll go with you!" She grabbed her jacket and followed him out the door.

In the elevator she said, "I hope we're really gonna go eat because I really am hungry." He laughed.

-----

"So…." he prompted her as they began the drive to their favorite greasy spoon.

"Have you ever had sex with a woman while she was sound asleep?" she asked point blank. More comfortable now that it was just her and Marshall.

He blinked a few times and looked at her like she was crazy. "What? Why? Is this theoretical?"

"Just answer the question, numbnuts! It's not complicated." she was embarrassed now.

"Well, it **is** kind of complicated. Am I initiating contact to wake her and then have sex? If she doesn't wake up do I not have sex? Did she tell me I could have sex with her while she was asleep?...there's a number of scenarios here." he elaborated and she got irritated.

"For Chrissake, Marshall," she pleaded, exasperated, "she's sound asleep and doesn't wake up through the whole process. And she doesn't know it's happening because she was never asked."

Now he was confused, "How does she not wake up? It's kind of aerobic if I'm remembering correctly."

She couldn't believe this was turning into a debate, narrowed her eyes at him and snarled, "She doesn't wake up because he's careful and she's a really sound sleeper. Just go with that."

He suddenly had a sneaking suspicion as to where this was coming from, but played along because he hated to make assumptions with Mary. "No, I haven't"

She probed, "Haven't because you never had the opportunity…or haven't because you wouldn't?"

"Because I wouldn't." he said definitively

"Why?" she pounced, turning slightly in her seat to look at him.

"Where is this going?" he asked and she glared at him and warned, "Marshall…just answer the fucking question!"

Now she was swearing and he knew to just do what she wanted. "I wouldn't because it doesn't seem like it would be much fun…kidding, I'm kidding!" he covered when she punched him and glared, "I wouldn't because I was raised to ask permission before taking that kind liberty with a woman…awake or asleep. It would be like having sex with a woman who was passed out. It's just not right on a number of levels. Technically, it would be a type of rape, I suppose, since you didn't have permission."

Now she was doubly disturbed and grimaced. "Rape is an ugly word. If you had an ongoing consensual sexual relationship with this someone, I wouldn't say it would be rape. Would you do it then?"

She saw Marshall's jaw clench and he pulled the truck over to the curb and put it in park. Her last question sealed his conclusion and he turned in his seat and looked at her hard and demanded, "Is Raph having sex with you when you're asleep?"

She threw her hands in the air and announced with displeasure, "Apparently! I found out about it early this morning." She was relieved he had guessed and she didn't have to say it.

He was incredulous, "He **told** you?"

"No…I woke up in the midst of…the action…so to speak." She thrust her jaw out, nodding.

He sat back and rubbed his forehead with one finger. "Mary…I find that so…disturbing."

"**You** find it disturbing. You didn't wake up being bounced off a mattress at three a.m!" Marshall grimaced. Mary was irritated which meant she gestured widely as she talked, "And then he tells me that he only does it sometimes because I'm so tired and he doesn't want to wake me. Marshall, you know I sleep like the dead when I'm not on watch. You've tried to wake me. This has probably been going on for quite a while… What the fuck?" the question was rhetorical and she continued, "So…here's my dilemma: I'm upset, but I don't know if I should be upset. He's not upset…seemed perfectly fine with it. Really, no one's being hurt so…I don't know what to think. Is it o.k.? Am I overreacting? Should I be upset?" She waited for his response.

"Well, now **I'm** upset." He said, looking stressed. "It just seems…sneaky…wrong. You're not a goddamn toy, Mary. He shouldn't…he **can't**…treat you like a thing. It would be one thing to start something in order to wake you, and then have sex…but to just do it without even asking…" His brow was furrowed as he rubbed his forehead harder and she was suddenly feeling bad about bringing the whole topic up.

"Jesus, Marshall, I didn't really mean for this to bother you so much." She griped, "I just wanted to get a male perspective."

He shot her an exasperated look while saying, "You're agitated which means I get agitated. You may not have noticed, Mare, but that's kind of how we work. Sick and twisted as it may be." He turned to face her again and squinted his eyes as he asked, "Do you want him to have the liberty of having sex with you when you're asleep? Are you trying to decide whether to give him that permission?" He couldn't imagine his partner allowing that to occur as it would relinquish control.

She looked at him like he was insane and shot back, "Fuck no! It makes me squirm just thinking about it. I want it to stop."

Marshall pointed his finger at her, "Then you tell him to stop. He doesn't get to make this decision no matter how he feels about it." He was very serious and Mary knew not to argue.

She held her hands up in surrender, "Already did…told him this morning he can't do that anymore. I'll reiterate my position tonight." Her partner still looked agitated and was staring at her as though he was trying to decide if she was being serious about this. "I promise. Are you o.k.?"

"Are you?" he asked her with raised eyebrows.

"Pissed, but otherwise fine, yes." She shrugged her shoulders. "If it's upsetting to me, I'm sure he won't do it anymore. Can we go eat now?"

He blew out a breath and said, "Sure" as he pulled away from the curb. She could tell he was still irritated and felt bad for bringing the whole subject up. But, she did feel better that her feelings were validated. She and Raph would have to have a little heart to heart about this one.

Marshall was more than irritated…he was severely pissed. He couldn't get the image out of his head of a sleeping Mary being…well…violated by Raph. There had been times during their travels that Marshall would literally sit Mary up on the side of the bed in the course of trying to wake her when she'd get into those deep sleeps. She slept like she did anything else…with gusto. He could see how easy it would be for the man to…he shuddered. The fact that Raph didn't see anything wrong with it angered him also. It was disturbing and confusing. He could understand why Mary was conflicted. As far as he was concerned, she needed to put a stop to it immediately. He knew Mary often struggled with whether to strangle her washed up ball player or treat him with kid gloves. Personally, Marshall was pretty sure he'd like to hit a line drive right into the man's crotch. He grunted in release of some frustration.

Mary looked over at him, concerned with his brooding. "You need to let it go, buddy." she warned teasingly, "you can't beat him with a baseball bat. It's messy and I'd make you clean the carpets."

Her partner had to grin as it was uncanny how well she had read him. He sighed and reassured her, "Just had to invent some scenarios to make myself feel better. I think I'm done now." He smiled at her. She returned it with gratitude.

* * *

Raph promised he wouldn't have sex with her while she was sleeping for the third time by Friday night. She had woken up Wednesday morning and Thursday morning with him wrapped around her and in her and was intensely angry now. "Raphael…I am telling you not to do it anymore…how can I make this any fucking clearer?! Listen to me…unless my eyes are open and I'm talking to you, you do **not** have sex with me."

"But Mary, I don't understand…you never seemed to mind before. I'm not hurting you…I'm always very gentle. I would never hurt you!" He looked at her pleadingly. He didn't know where this was coming from all of a sudden and he felt somehow chastised like a little child. His fiancée…his lover.. was telling him he couldn't touch her unless it was on her time and that he was wrong even though she had not suffered a single ill effect.

She was getting furious and raising her voice, "I never minded before because I was ASLEEP! It's not right, Raph…you have to ask!" Since she had been sleeping very lightly recently, and after every episode would not be able to fall back to sleep, she was becoming sleep deprived and very irritable with everyone. "I'm not getting into this bed with you until you promise…and I mean really promise." She almost had tears in her eyes and Raph realized she was very serious. He was going to have to play by her rules again and it stuck in his craw, but he apologized all the same as he always did.

"I promise. I swear I won't do it anymore. I'm sorry." He seemed contrite and nearly tearful and she felt a little bad for yelling at him.

"O.k…thank you." She climbed into bed and leaned over to kiss him and he pulled her on top of him and pulled her pelvis against his. She pushed herself up and slid off, "Raphael…really?"

He looked hurt and said, "Mary, please? You have time for everyone but me…please give me some of you too? I've been lonely with you coming home late and going in early. Is it so awful to be with me?" He knew how to lay on a guilt trip.

It worked and she again felt horrible and guilty. Here was her fiancé pleading with her for sex and she felt like the biggest heel on the planet because she didn't want to have it. Maybe it was because he had violated her trust…maybe it was because he was still fixing the walls when she had repeatedly told him no. Whatever the reason, she knew she needed to get over it because the relationship was jeopardized and that part of her that craved normalcy won. She took a deep breath and smiled and said, "Of course it's not awful, Raph. You're a wonderful lover." He pulled her back over and she let him.

She was still lying awake two hours later as Raph snored lightly beside her. He placed an arm over her abdomen and she pushed it off. For the first time in her life, she had not enjoyed sex…at all. She went through the motions and tried to find some pleasure in it, but at the end she just felt empty. "_Why is this becoming a battle?_" she wondered. She finally fell asleep and was awoken by Raph about four hours later. He made sure she was awake before asking her to make love. She said no, but he kept prodding and cajoling until she finally gave in and let him. She couldn't deny she had her eyes open and was talking to him…the exact conditions she had set. It was impossible to fall back asleep afterwards and she looked at the clock…5:00am. "_Guess I'll get in an early run_" she thought as she drug herself out of bed.

By Monday morning she was exhausted. She had taken her mother to an antiques show Saturday afternoon and when they got home, Raph and Brandi were in the midst of fixing some bookshelves that had been destroyed by the FBI. Mary threw a fit and kicked them both out of the house for the rest of the afternoon. Brandi ended up at Peter's, but Raph came back drunk around eleven. She was sound asleep and he crawled into bed and proceeded to wake her up and initiate sex. Again, she protested but again gave in after thirty minutes of attempts, whining and groping so that it would be done and she could go back to sleep. Sunday evening, after fighting with Raph about her job and her hours and taking crap from her sister and mother about how badly she treated the man, she tried a preemptive strike and initiated the lovemaking around 9 pm. Raph was so pleased, and she was enjoying herself again. He wanted to try some new things and that was fine, but by 11:00 she was getting tired and started to tease him to wrap it up. He pouted and said he wanted to show her something else and she asked for another time. He looked irritated and was uncharacteristically rough as they finished. Again, the wake up call around 3am…again she just let him and ultimately she lay awake afterwards. She was in the office by 7am Monday morning.

Marshall came in about 7:30 and Mary was already at her desk doing paperwork. This was three times in the last week…he was sure there was some disturbance in the universe causing this to happen and asked, "Who are you and what have you done with my partner?" as he chuckled.

She glanced over at him and he realized how tired she looked. Not just I-had-a-bad-night tired, but more of the I've-run-out-of-sleep-meds tired. She replied to his quip, "She spent a long weekend with people who won't listen to her, keep leaving their shit all over the place and want to stay up till all hours of the morning "studying"." She finger quoted, lying to him. The truth would've been too personal and he'd get upset.

"Brandi studies?" Marshall was amazed…of course Marshall was amazed Brandi could even read. He then remembered their discussion about Raph and asked, "Did you and Raph work that thing out?" He was staring at her intently. It had bothered him for a couple of days for reasons he was still trying to pin down. He just needed to know it was not going on anymore in order to rest easy.

She didn't look at him as she replied because she knew he'd know she was lying, "Yep. He doesn't do it anymore. Problem solved." She went back to scribbling and he was suspicious. "Mary…" he warned. Marshall knew evasive when he saw it.

She tossed her head and huffed at him as she turned to face him, "He quit, o.k.? Geez…we're still fighting about my job and my hours and you."

"Me?" said Marshall, thinking this was new, "What the hell have I got to do with it? Did you tell him we talked about it?"

"Jesus, Marshall, no! He thinks we spend too much time together and I told him where to shove that little thought. He's really stuck on wanting more of me for himself." She sighed and shook her head. "I think he's just having a hard time making the transition of me going back to work. It'll get better." She sounded like she was trying to convince herself more than anyone. Marshall let it drop and she was glad.

Eleanor and Stan came in around eight and the rest of the day was busy. Mary left around six and Marshall said, "Get some sleep, Mare." She snorted a laugh as she walked by and said, "Right." He watched her walk to the elevator and thought, "_Something's not right._"

There was another new area of dry wall when she got home and she went into her room and cried in frustration. When she was done with that, she came out and yelled at Raph in frustration. He stormed out and she went to bed. He was back by midnight and horny from drinking. She refused, still angry and they got in another shouting match. She banished him to the couch, but he crept back in a few hours later and curled around her as she was sleeping. She woke up with him in her and he begged her to let him finish. She banished herself to the couch afterwards and laid awake until morning.

Tuesday evening she had a plan. She took Raph out to dinner and was focused on having a nice time with him. They came home and she sat down on the couch and talked to him about the night before. She had rehearsed it in her mind so she could remain calm and rational. "Raph," she began, taking his hand in hers, "I know you love me and would never hurt me, but what you did last night hurt me. Not physically, but you violated my trust. I have to be able to trust that you will not do that anymore because it's really keeping me from enjoying the times we spend making love that are usually so wonderful. Does that make sense?" she was trying so hard to keep her words even and her expression gentle. This was not her forte and she really just wanted to smack the crap out of him.

"I'm so sorry, Mary," the puppy dogs eyes were out again as he apologized, "I guess it's just that you tell me 'no' about everything…helping pay bills, fixing the house, telling me where you are or will be...I think that when you tell me 'no' for sex it's just that one more thing that makes me crazy. I don't think I'm explaining it well." he sighed.

She was a bit irritated with his response. It sounded like it was becoming a turf war and he was trying to exert some control. "Raphael, you can't just do something to spite me when I tell you 'no'. Especially that. You already keep fixing up the house when I say not to and that makes **me** crazy. There are some things where 'no' means 'no', and sex is one of them. Stop fixing the house, then I won't be so angry and less likely to say 'no'. O.k.?"

He touched her face and said, "Mary, I would do anything for you." She smiled and kissed him and they had a wonderful time on the couch. He woke her later in the bedroom and she said 'no' and he kissed her and went back to sleep. She was happy the tactic had worked and was able to get the first good night's rest in a week.

***** I'm exhausted just writing it. Raph is so passive aggressive and Mary does not deal with that well. Stay tuned and please write reviews...I love them! *****


	3. Chapter 3

***** I was so mad at Mary! Can't she see what's happening? Worn down...exhausted...our better judgement is sometimes lacking. No spoilers but nastiness and angst *****

Thursday night was a different story. She came home from work in a great mood as the weather had been beautiful and she and Marshall and Eleanor had a picnic in the local park for lunch. The banter had been obnoxious and they laughed through most of the hour. When she walked in her front door she saw that Raph was in his work clothes and had dust on him. "What are you doing?" she asked warily, looking around for evidence.

"Did you have a good day?" he asked, "You're smiling."

"I had a great day…what are you doing, Raph? You've been fixing something and I want to know what it is." He had come over to give her a kiss and she pulled back, "You're not telling me what's going on and you're pissing me off!" She was wandering through the room now and trying to see what he had patched. She finally spotted the new drywall in the kitchen and wheeled around with daggers in her eyes, "God dammit, Raph!" she yelled, "did you not hear me the other night? Or the last one hundred times I've said it? I want you to stop fixing the house! Go fix a car, or build a tree house or something if you must work with tools, but if you fix one more fucking hole in my wall I swear I'll tear it back out!"

Her phone rang and she glanced at it: Marshall. "What?" she answered sharply.

"O.k…I've called at a bad time?" he ventured

"Just the usual crap. What's up?" she was still glaring at Raph, who was glaring back at her.

"Carol's having an episode. Can you come with me to see her…she likes you for some reason and it helps talk her down to have you there. I can't figure it out. I'm almost at your house." He was reluctant to ask, but wanted to keep the drama to a minimum with this particular witness.

She was actually relieved and said, "Of course. Pick me up." and hung up as he said thanks.

Raph said snidely, "Let me guess…that was Marshall and you have to go on one of your secret errands? And I'm "crap" now?" He took her description personally and was seething.

She wasn't buying into his guilt trip and sneered, "What you keep doing is crap, Raph, and you know it. Yes, Marshall is picking me up and we have to deal with a witness. That's all I'm telling you."

"Oh sure," he said as he paced, "you can tell me to not fix the house, not touch you, not wake you. It's all about Mary, isn't it? But if I tell you not to go with Marshall or not to stay with Marshall it's like I'm talking to myself. Is that how it is, Mary…you get to do whatever you want and I am crap?" He was mad and she was working on furious.

She took a breath and said low and heated, "It's not the same thing, Raph, and you know it. Marshall isn't dry wall and my job isn't playtime in bed. I'm asking you not to do **things** and you're asking me not to be what I am or who I am. Don't try to play mind games with me, you ass! You know you're wrong."

His voice was now raised and his accent was thicker as he shot back, "I'm wrong? How you treat me is wrong, Mary! Never giving me the better parts of you...never letting me get close or sharing your secrets with me. Maybe because you already have someone to share all that with? I'm sick of being in second place, Mary! There needs to be a change here or I'm…" he cut himself off and ran his fingers through his hair. The air was heavy with tension.

"Or you're what?" she snapped back, walking up to him as she called him out on his statement, "You're out of here? You're done with me? Fine! You go ahead and walk right on out…I won't chase you down and you know it. I try to accommodate you, Raph…every damn day. I let you move in, I'm letting you plan the wedding and I even told you what I really do for a living. Jesus…I'm not going to turn into your dream woman! I'm trying with what I have!" she was mad enough for tears now and swiped at them angrily.

He was angry and yelled right at her, "Well you're not trying hard enough!"

The front door opened and Marshall stepped in. He looked at the participants as they stared at him and said calmly, "I knocked, but…" and shrugged.

Marshall hadn't actually knocked. He was walking up to the door when he heard Raph yell and that prompted him to go right in. He was glad he did because the situation looked as though it needed immediate defusing. Mary and Raph stood about a foot apart and both were tense with confrontational body language. Raphael's face was flushed and Mary had tears on hers. He did not like it…at all.

Mary turned to leave and Raph snagged her wrist. She twisted her hand out of his grasp and marched out the door past Marshall saying, "Let's go" as she pushed by. "Mary…" warned Raph, then glared at Marshall and decided to drop it for now and turned to stomp into the back room. Marshall watched him for a moment then left to follow Mary to the truck.

She was sitting in the passenger seat when he got in and was silent with a stony look. Marshall started the truck and backed out of the driveway, wisely keeping his mouth shut. She'd talk if she wanted to…and he hoped she would because this had escalated and was concerning him slightly. He was considering the conversation they had last week and the fact that Raphael had just tried to physically restrain her. The man should know better than that, especially with Marshall in the room.

"Sorry about that little spat." she finally said.

He wasn't going to let her off the hook and replied, "That was beyond a spat, Mare, what's going on?"

"Turf wars." She responded cryptically. "I'd really rather not talk about it, if you don't mind."

"I wouldn't mind if it hadn't looked like you two were going to throw down. He grabbed you." Marshall prompted.

She shot him a look, "So do you when you're irritated with me and I'm being unreasonable."

That made him pause. He did tend to have to touch her or snag a wrist when she was worked up. Mary didn't like to be touched and when you really needed to get her attention you had to touch her. The contact, being uncomfortable for her, focused her attention away from the unwanted behavior and allowed her to regroup.

"That's different and you know it. And I don't make you cry." he tossed that over to the other side of the car. "_So there!_" he thought jeeringly, not liking being compared to the man inside.

She sighed and leaned her head back on the seat, "Marshall, can we just let it go tonight? I really don't want to relive it right now. It's just something Raph and I are still working out and I promise not to maim him before the week is out, o.k.?" she tried for a touch of humor.

"Yeah…I almost had to bail your ass out of jail once this year. Don't push your luck." he smiled over at her knowing she was trying to distract him and that any further attempts to discuss this were going to end poorly. "Just watch yourself" he reminded her.

She tossed a tight smile back at him and the subject was dropped.

It took about three hours to deal with Carol, and they drove back to Mary's house worn out. He pulled into her driveway and turned to her to say, "You know my guest room is always open."

She smiled and shrugged, "Thanks, but no. I'm fine and I'm sure it'll be a non issue. I just really need an on deck circle between my brain and my mouth. Things don't always come out right when I don't take a few practice swings first." She had been thinking she **was** being unreasonable with dictating so many things to Raph.

Marshall laughed at her analogy. "I like that…that's good. And you're right."

She slugged him then said, "Now that was a good swing right off" as she jumped out laughing. He felt a little better…a little. He drove home thinking about the look of malice he had gotten from Raphael before the man turned away. Marshall began to wonder about how well Mary really knew her fiancé…how well she could predict him and what blind spots she had towards him. Everyone has a dark side and the triggers are sometimes subtle.

Mary walked into the dark bedroom and got ready for bed quietly as she could hear Raph sleeping. She was feeling guilty about the argument because he had some valid points. But, she reminded herself, he was still going against her wishes. He sometimes surprised her with the ferocity of his responses to her words. Usually he was so patient and…well…passive, that she still had trouble predicting when she'd push one of his buttons. She slid in next to him and he rolled over and pinned her gently and kissed her. "Oh!" she said, surprised, "you're awake."

"Yes." He replied, not releasing her, "and I want to say something that I've been thinking about. You said that there were things I would just have to accept and I'm going to say the same to you. You are going to have to accept that I will fix the house up. I can't stand it and you're being childish about it." She struggled against his grip, but had no leverage and was stuck. "Mary, do you hear me? I will fix the house if I please. I want you to tell me you understand that." He increased his weight on her and she became alarmed. The way he had her arms pinned with his body weight prevented her from using any techniques she knew to get him off. She wasn't going to head butt the man…yet.

"Raph, get off. I can't have a conversation with you when you're cutting off my air, you idiot." she panted. He lifted his body slightly and resettled between her legs, kissing her slowly and keeping her arms pinned. She could breathe again and except for her pinned arms, was much more comfortable. "Raph…what are you doing? C'mon…let me have my arms"

"Say you understand, Mary…say I can fix the house." He repeated himself as he continued to kiss her and becoming more amorous.

She was confused. His voice was firm and he was not giving her an inch of wiggle room. Her body was reacting to his actions, but her brain still didn't want to give in to his verbal demands. "Raph, can we talk about it in the morning? Let my arms up so I can touch you." His response was to lay his full weight on her again and she felt a little panicky so she relented, "O.k. I'll let you fix the house…to a point. Just ask me first."

He let her go and released her arms saying, "See…that wasn't so hard" and continued to initiate the lovemaking. The whole situation bothered her, but he was good at what he did in the bedroom and she soon put the thought to the back of her mind. Ultimately, Raph was much bolder and rougher than usual that night, but it was enjoyable all the same.

Raphael fixed holes in the wall all weekend without asking first. She yelled at him and he reminded her that she had agreed. In addition, every night he initiated sex and if she disagreed, waited until later to wake her and use her sleepy state to insist until she gave in. They were back to the old game of her not sleeping well and being on guard. She was into work early on Monday. She felt confused and defeated and was in a vile mood all day.

Marshall tried to ask her what was wrong a number of times and got only venom in return. His gut was telling him to pay attention…he knew she was hiding something. He just wished he knew what.

She got home Monday evening and not only had Raph patched more holes without asking, he had painted the hallway. She blew up and he responded and the shouting match ended with her shoving him and kicking him out for the night. He yelled at her from the porch, "You can't kick me out, Mary, it's my house too." She stormed into the bedroom and stewed, then crawled into bed. Raph came back after midnight and was drunk. He slid into bed with her and she pushed him back out and told him to sleep on the couch. Her words fell on deaf ears and he climbed right back in and began to initiate sex. She, of course, said no and wiggled away to push him off but he pursued. Being caught off guard, it turned into an uneven test of strength and she got pinned and used. She knew it was wrong and cried in frustration and anger and cursed at the man now passed out in her bed. She thought about going to Marshall's house, but then decided it wasn't going to help to drag him into this...not this time. She'd have to deal with it when Raph was sober in the morning and slept fitfully on the couch.

He cried on Tuesday when she confronted him and then bought her flowers vowing to never hurt her again. She told him to leave but he begged her to give him a chance. Her family, not knowing the details surrounding her request, added their weeping to the guilt she felt and she let him stay. He didn't touch her that night, but she didn't sleep well as she woke up every time he turned over. She kept thinking it was her problem, but then raged about being held down the night before. It was eating at her and she wasn't eating. Marshall noticed on Wednesday as she picked at her lunch.

He watched the tired woman across from him push her French fries around on her plate. Normally, she would've eaten all of hers and be stealing his by now. "You want to talk about it?" he asked. Watching her sink into this state was painful…both emotionally and mentally.

"Nothing to talk about." She replied, lying, "Just the usual crap at home with the added bonus of Brandi and Raph ganging up on me and slowly fixing the drywall even though they don't ask first." Her teeth were clenched and she smashed a fry into the plate. "Turf wars" she ground out. He noticed she would only look at him for brief periods and that was unlike her. Her gaze was often uncomfortably direct, according to those not used to it.

"You're not sleeping, are you?" he stated the obvious.

"Gee…what gave that away, Einstein?" she tossed at him sarcastically as she pushed her plate away.

"I'm going to risk castration here, but I'm not entirely convinced you and Raph clarified your objections to his behavior. Also, that fight you had with him the other night was pretty intense. Are you not sleeping because you're afraid of him?" he was really hoping her answer would be negative because otherwise he and a certain Dominican were going to have a conversation that involved Marshall talking and Raphael begging for mercy.

"Damn it, Marshall," she hissed at him as his question hit the nail dead on, "I told you he stopped. I'm just having trouble with getting to sleep lately. Too much going on in my mind and I feel like I'm walking on egg shells at my house. Everything I do lately is offensive to someone." She felt monumentally embarrassed and exposed and it surprised her. She was lying to him because she didn't want him to think she was an idiot…didn't want him to know how stupid and frustrated she felt. She didn't want to admit failure and she didn't want his pity.

"Do you need a few days off? I'm sure Stan would let you swing it." he suggested, not expecting her reply.

She whirled on him, "Jesus Christ! Why the hell would I want to stay any longer than I have to in a house that's making me crazy? The only peace I get is when I'm at work…with you." She shoved back from the table and scowled, "And now you're going to pick at me too!"

He regarded her warily. She was normally prickly and defensive, but this was excessive even for her. He needed to back off, he knew, and just keep an eye on her for now. "Sorry, Mare…I wasn't trying to upset you. I'm sure you'll work it out, but let me know if I can help…o.k.?"

She stretched her neck and blew out a breath and smiled tightly at him, "Yeah. I will…thanks."

The next two nights were rough. Raph continued to blatantly ignore her pleas to ask before fixing the holes and she tried to remain calm when he explained that she had agreed to accept the fact he was going to fix the house. Sex was a point of contention also. He was now pushy and physical and she wouldn't even sleep in the same room with him because she couldn't trust him after his behavior Monday night. She would make him sleep on the couch and he would sneak in to her room later so then she'd go out to the couch. It was an emotionally and physically draining game of musical beds and she knew if the music stopped she would lose. Sleep won out eventually and she woke up early Friday morning with him in her and slapped him and bucked him off. He grabbed her and pinned her before she could get any leverage and held her down again while he finished even as she struggled and cursed at him. He then rolled over away from her silently. She tore his things out of the drawers and threw them at him, including her ring. She moved to the couch and cried. She felt completely powerless…a feeling that was foreign and frightening. She wanted to call Marshall but couldn't. Mary had caused him enough pain this year and didn't know if this would be the straw that broke the camel's back.

***** How did it come to this? A slippery slope that you sometimes plummet down without any purchase in order to stop. Keep reading and keep up the reviews! *****


	4. Chapter 4

***** Something has to give because Mary's reached the end of her rope.*****

She and Marshall were called for a transport Friday morning and wouldn't be back until Sunday. Mary was utterly relieved and her mood perked up. She was her usual self for the drive to El Paso, although Marshall could tell she had been crying earlier, and they hunkered down in their motel room with a plan to get their witness in the morning. Marshall used the shower around 9pm and when he came out, Mary was sound asleep on her bed in her sweater and jeans. He called her name and she just snored. Smiling and shaking his head at her, he took off her boots and maneuvered her under her covers without any protest. He read a book until eleven and turned out the light after that. She turned over and tossed a bit and then said, "Stop, Raph…get off…please…" in a tone that stilled him. It was a plea.

Marshall was strangely silent on Saturday as they picked up the new witness and began the journey back to Albuquerque. Mary asked him what was wrong and he would only say, "We'll talk about it tomorrow." They didn't get to talk about it on Sunday because of a critical incident with one of Marshall's witnesses. The paper work was done by ten p.m. and she and Marshall left the office together. She had already decided she wasn't going home but didn't tell him that.

"Mare…my guestroom is available, you know that, right? I think you need a break from the parasites at your house." Marshall wasn't mincing his words.

"It's **my** house, numbnuts. I'll sleep in it if I damn well please." She replied roughly, arms crossed.

He was silent and she looked up at him then regretted it. His eyes were kind and questioning as he stared at her and she nearly caved in right there and told him everything. Instead, she turned to her car and said, "Go home, Marshall. I'll see you in the morning."

He hissed out a breath in frustration as she walked away. He had seen her soften for a moment and thought she was going to talk, then the iron veil of self defense slammed down again before she could get out. It was going to get ugly, but he was determined to get to the bottom of this because he couldn't stand to watch her fade away anymore. "_Tomorrow."_ he promised himself.

He drove home, she drove around the block and came back. He found her on the couch in the anteroom at 7am the next morning.

He squatted down in front of her sleeping form, noting half of her legs didn't even fit onto the couch, and said, "Come here often?" as he waved the coffee cup in front of her nose. She shifted, groaned and rubbed her face with her hands as she blinked her eyes open. "You're a god" she mumbled to Marshall as she sat up to accept the cup of coffee gratefully.

"So they sometimes tell me." he replied, wiggling his eyebrows. She smiled and breathed in the coffee. He sat down next to her and gave her a few minutes to mainline some caffeine before he said, "Why the couch? My guestbed can't be that uncomfortable." He was a little irritated and slightly hurt she had chosen to stay here rather than come to his house.

She shrugged a shoulder, "Would've been where I ended up at home anyway, so why go through all the rigamarole of travel when the comforts of home are right here? And no one makes me coffee at home."

"You're not sleeping in your bed?" he was trying to probe without irritating her yet...not enough coffee.

She just gazed at the wall and said, "Not so much, no. Raph and I have been fighting a lot."

"Hmmm" he nodded as he acknowledged her, "Maybe that's why you talk in your sleep."

That brought her head around, "What? When? What did I say?" she looked alarmed.

"Friday night at the motel. You said, 'Stop, Raph…get off…please…'" he tried to inject the same pleading tone she used. Her eyes widened and she looked at the floor, so he continued in a carefully neutral tone, "Personally, I'd feel a whole lot better if you could help me understand the context in which that remark would've been used. Right now, it's not settling well in my head."

"Fuck!" she cursed under her breath as she slumped back into the couch. She was trying to figure out how to spin this and just coming up angry. A part of her wanted to tell him knowing he would only want to help her, but another part of her was scared, thinking he would reject her. She lurched up and headed for the inner office and Marshall followed her. "You know, Marshall…you can be a real pain in the ass." She was pacing.

"I live to serve." He raised his cup to her.

She finally stopped, decision made, and turned around to glare at him and set her cup down on the desk hard enough to slop fluid over the side. "You know what…I lied," she started in a snarly tone, "I lied to you, Marshall. Why? The same reason I always lie…so no one will know how well I've fucked up my life this time." She crossed her arms over her chest and stared at the far wall with a sigh. He waited.

"Coming back to work was great. I felt alive again. I would go home everyday and be smiling and within ten minutes of walking through that door I was fighting with someone…mainly Raph. He had lost control of me again and he didn't like it. I see it now. He kept fixing the house even though I told him not to. Every. Damn. Day." She was gritting her teeth and threw a pencil across the room to emphasize her words. "Then I find out he's having sex with me while I'm sleeping and I tell him to stop it, explain the problem and he says he understands. Fixed, right? Wrong. Because god knows, he wouldn't want to stop doing something just because I asked him." She was back to pacing and Marshall was watching her closely. He had only seen her this agitated a few times and it was never over something trivial. "Wednesday morning I ask him after he did it again…Thursday morning same thing. Meanwhile, now I can't sleep because I'm on alert…waiting to see if he'll try it. But hey, now he seems to finally get it." She seemed to get angrier.

"Well…that's good, right?" said Marshall slowly, brewing up a good anger himself.

"Oh yeah…now he just makes sure I'm good and awake before he initiates. Problem is, when I say no…which I'm likely to do at three, fucking o'clock in the morning…he just keeps poking and prodding at me until I let him do what he's gonna do. Just so I can go back to sleep. Funny thing is…I can't go back to sleep because I'm pissed and I don't want to lay there next to him." Her words were being spat out in packets, her expressions were fierce and she radiated barely contained violence. She was more furious than he had seen her in a long time. Marshall thought he knew where this story was going and he was getting anxious.

She was shaking her head and blowing out breaths…continuing to pace like a tiger. "To make everything just a little more complicated, he's also complaining that I never have time to really pay attention to him at the end of the day. So I develop a plan. If I have sex with him at bedtime, then I'll get to sleep through the night, right?" she grinned ferally as she spun to look at him through narrowed eyes, "But here' s the kicker, Marshall. For the first time in my life, I don't want to have sex at all anymore and I don't fake it well…because I've never had to before. So, now we're both frustrated, which leads to frustrated sex…and he's still waking me up later. That's why I was in so early. I can't go back to sleep because I'm…mad…sad. I don't know. We had a good discussion about it two days before the big blowup last week. I thought the problem was solved, but then it just got worse. He became really pushy about sex…and guilted me into agreeing to let him fix the house." She stood at one end of her desk and rested a hand on it while looking at the ceiling. "I've never cried after sex, Marshall…not until last week. I couldn't believe I was having pity sex and I'm only just engaged."

Marshall was now seeing red and he ground out, "I would call it something other than pity sex, Mary." He figured if you're crying after sex, you didn't want it…and if you didn't want it and got it anyway it was assault in his book.

She didn't acknowledge his comment and just seemed to suddenly deflate. She walked around her desk to sit in her chair and put her elbows on the desk in front of her, her forehead balanced on her fingertips. "I blew up at him Monday after I found him fixing up the house again. He doesn't listen!" she hit the desk with one fist, "I shoved him out of the house for the evening and he came back around midnight, drunk. Of course, he wants sex…of course, I don't." She stopped talking and was just rubbing her head with her fingertips. Marshall got up slowly and came over to sit on the edge of her desk, not too close to spook her into stopping her story, but close enough for moral support.

"I lost. Just…lost…Jesus. I'm a fucking idiot." she swore at herself softly.

"No, you're not. Please don't say that." Marshall stated, pinching the bridge of his nose with one hand. He didn't want to hear anymore, but knew he would listen as long as she needed him to. He felt nauseous.

"No…I'm an idiot because I didn't kick his ass to the curb that day. I wouldn't sleep in the same room with him for the rest of the week and then Friday morning I woke up with him in me again. I slapped him and we fought. He held me down again…and...and I haven't been home since." Her voice was thin with exhaustion and she just sat there silently with her head in her hands. She couldn't look at him. A few minutes passed.

"He raped you, Mary…at least twice." Marshall whispered. He thought he might cry.

"I know, Marshall." she replied softly after a few moments, "I do not want this to turn into a…"thing". I just want him out of my house so I can move on." Her voice was tired and hoarse and she looked utterly drained sitting there slumped over her hands.

Stan came in and caught Marshall's eye. The tall man looked angry and sad. He just shook his head at Stan and Stan went right to his office and softly shut the door. He called Eleanor and told her to take an extra half hour. Something was very wrong, but he'd have to find out about it later.

Marshall moved to crouch down next to Mary's chair and she looked at him. Her gaze was unsure and hesitant and he had coax her to meet his eyes. "Here's what we're going to do," he began in a low voice, reaching up to tuck a strand of her hair back behind her ear, "You're going to go to my house now and sleep. Just sleep before you unravel. No one will bother you there. When I come home later today, we'll make a plan. How's that sound?" He really wanted to hold her and tell her it would be o.k., but that's what he needed, not what she needed.

She looked at him for a few more moments before replying. "That sounds good…o.k." She knew he'd make it right, he always did. Her fear that he would turn away from her vanished with his words and she felt a wisp of strength uncurl inside her. "What's Stan going to say?" she protested.

"Don't worry about Stan, I'll take care of it." He stood up, rubbed her back and cajoled her out of the chair while helping her get her jacket on. "C'mon, just go to my house…sleep…shoo." She chuckled at that and gathered her things to head out the door, happy to escape and barely remembering the drive.

Marshall's house was quiet and comfortable and Mary always liked it there. She threw her keys, weapon and badge on the front table, left her coat on the recliner and headed straight to the bathroom for a hot, hot shower. She had some clean underwear in the guest room from past travels and she then pulled on a pair of Marshalls pajama pants and a t-shirt. The guest bed was delightfully comfortable she thought…unfortunately, she couldn't fall asleep. Her mind was a huge roiling ball of anxiety and anger and she couldn't soothe herself. Finally, she walked across the hall and climbed into Marshall's bed for a change of scenery and the sense of his presence. She could smell him on the pillows and sheets and her mind and body relaxed… she drifted off into a sound sleep.

Marshall told Stan Mary was ill and had decided to take a few days off. Stan started to ask why Mary didn't tell him herself when the tall man gave him a look that stilled all protests. Marshall got home around four and the house was quiet. Moving to the guest room to check on her, he found the bedding rumpled but the bed was empty. Then he had a thought and went to look in his room and sure enough, she was curled up with a pillow asleep in his bed. "_Good._" He thought, "_Safe._" He still felt exhausted from her telling him the story this morning…the raw anger and utter betrayal had vibrated through his body too. Being that close to someone and so attuned to their moods and needs means you not only feel for them, you feel with them…and he knew that was why she had crawled into his bed…to absorb his relative calm against her storm.

He battled with himself over whether to be angry with her for not telling him sooner or whether to berate himself for not seeing it. The tiredness, defensiveness, evasiveness and the gradual withdrawl. How many times had he seen victims of the same crime stand in front of him the same way...and he didn't recognize it in his own partner. It's hard to see what your mind would never expect. He just wanted to know why she didn't come to him...didn't trust him with this. She muttered and rolled over and he watched her sleep for a minute, realizing it really didn't matter why she didn't tell him or why he didn't see it after all. What truly mattered is that she was here and he could protect her now.

He had wanted so badly to go over to her house and rip Raphael to shreds but knew he had to wait for her to ask him. He had to be careful not to take anything into his own hands at this time as this whole, ugly situation was ultimately a fight for control. She was defeated right now and he had to let her regroup and come out swinging on her own. All he knew is that he didn't want to see that look of shame in Mary's eyes ever again. She wore her pride like a mane, radiating out from her in all directions and to see it matted down was heart wrenching. He sighed in frustration and decided to make some dinner as his protective instincts were howling and the only thing he could do right now was to feed her.

She awoke to delightful smells from Marshall's kitchen a while later and wandered out. "Good morning, Sunshine!" he greeted her teasingly.

"Shut up," she grumbled, "what time is it…and what are you cooking because it smells great."

"It's 5:00pm and I'm cooking dinner. Pork chops and potatoes and something green if I have cans in the pantry." He reached out to poke her in the ribs as she wandered by him to get a drink of water. "You need to eat. You're still underweight from the shooting."

She brought her water glass back over with her and leaned against the counter near the stove to watch him cook. "Yeah…I haven't been real hungry lately. Go figure."

He looked up at her, "Did the sleep help? Feel any better overall?"

"Yeah!" she nodded, "I definitely feel more human…still humiliated, mind you…but better."

"Mare…" he began to rebuke her and she held up a hand to stop him.

"Can it, Marshall. You've been in law enforcement long enough to know how the psychology of this thing works. Especially when it's perpetrated by someone you know." She wasn't ready for compassion yet. Emotions were raw and close to the surface and Mary just wanted to maintain her dignity for a while longer. She was eyeing the pan of potatoes and reached in to snag a bite. He smacked her hand with the spatula.

"Ow!...fine." she huffed as she snatched her hand back and headed to the cabinets, "I'll just set the table then." She had briefly forgotten how territorial he was when cooking and was glad the subject of her abject embarrassment was dropped.

A short while later, he served up a veritable feast including something green. They toasted each other with beer and dug in. After slaking their initial hunger, they started to chat while eating and he said, "I have to ask…why didn't you tell me about this when it happened the first time...or when I asked Wednesday?" The question gnawed at him and she watched emotions play across his face.

She sat back and shrugged in confusion, "Who knows. I've chased reason after reason around in my mind as to why I didn't say anything. I thought it was something he and I had to resolve on our own and I couldn't go running for help again…I thought it was **my** problem…I had already upset you with the initial issue…and frankly, I thought you might think less of me and be angry." She saw his brow wrinkle and steeled herself for his reaction.

"Angry?...at you? For this?" He looked stunned, "God, Mare, why would you think I would've been angry at you? Surely you give me more credit than that?"

She didn't like hearing the hurt in his voice and tried to explain, "You've been picking up pieces of me for the last eight months Marshall. I've done nothing but demand your time and attention and people can only take so much. I felt like I was doing to you what my family, and Raph, have been doing to me for a year...sucking the life out of you. And, I don't know, this just seemed different somehow. I felt small and stupid...pathetic." Her brow was furrowed as she stared distantly.

He leaned forward with his forearms on the table to catch her attention and stated clearly and gently, "I'm supposed to pick up the pieces, Mary. That's my job. And as you so succinctly told me some time ago while saving my life...I cannot quit." They gazed at each other for a few moments and a gradual, small smile appeared on her face as she nodded slightly and sighed, "O.k."

She was quiet for a few minutes and picked at her food then voiced the thought rolling around in her head, "I'm a trained law enforcement officer, Marshall. Shit, I'm proficient in about three different forms of self defense and when have you ever seen me reluctant to use that on someone? So, the fact that I got whupped by my car salesmen of a boyfriend makes me cringe out of pure embarrassment. I can't even figure it out." She shook her head in frustration as she went back to eating.

"Well…look at it this way," he was thinking it through for her, "you certainly didn't expect it, you were already at a disadvantage and Raph's a big guy. You would've had to hurt him to really fight him off and subconsciously you didn't want to do that." It was hard to keep an even tone of voice when discussing her fighting off Raph.

She considered his line of reasoning and nodded. Nibbling on the scraps left on her plate now and staring at her beer bottle, she sighed. "I always thought those women who say it was their fault were insane…stupid…but now I know why they say it. You feel guilty. You feel like there was something you could've done…should've done…to prevent it. Or, in my case, something I didn't do caused it. Talk about a serious mind fuck, Marshall." Her voice caught and she was blinking rapidly, determined not to let any tears fall over this. Her hands were fisted on the table.

Hearing her say she felt guilty twisted his gut, and he could see her distress as she fought to maintain control. He reached over and unfurled one of her hands to lace his fingers through hers. "Stop, Mary. Don't go down that road because it'll lead you nowhere but bad. There is only one person who did something wrong and it's not you. You have to believe that."

"I know…it's just really easy to get distracted." She sat up straighter and physically shook herself. "O.k…I've been thinking about how to get him out of my house because I doubt he left even though I threw all his shit at him. I'm not going to be able to go over there and do it, I know that for sure. So…I was thinking…" he squeezed her hand as he smiled at her so she'd continue, "would you want to get him out of there for me?"

He leaned over with a huge smile on his face and said, "Thank you! I thought you'd never ask."

She stared at him suspiciously with narrowed eyes. "You can't kill him, Marshall, and drag his body into the woods." Marshall pouted and she had to grin, "Just convince him to leave under his own power. Of course, if he's stupid enough to give you a hard time you may have to toss him out...roughly."

"Wow…I'm going to seriously have to tone down the "bad cop" routine then." He looked thoughtful and then saw her grinning evilly.

"You know what would be better than "bad cop"?" she hinted.

"What?" he was curious as to what her devious little mind had come up with.

"Scary cop." She had seen Marshall do "scary cop" a number of times and it made **her** nervous. He could get the most severely psychotic look on his face if he wanted to and would move like a predator. She had to laugh now, though, as he was making idiotic faces at her at saying, "Like this?...or this?...what about this one?"

He suddenly sobered and looked at her with the kindest expression, scooted his chair closer until his knees held hers and took her hands. "Mare, I hope you know that this doesn't change how I think of you or who I think you are. You are my best friend in the world and the one person on this planet I **would** actually kill someone for and drag their body into the woods." He reached up to trace her cheekbone with his thumb and said, "He tried to cage you, Mary…and you should never be tamed." He leaned forward and softly and briefly kissed her on the lips and then got up to take some dishes into the kitchen.

She somehow felt…clean. Like he had just wiped away a stain or smudge that was bothering her. She stared at this man for a moment before he taunted her as usual. "Are you going to help me clean up, or just admire my ass for the rest of the night?" Throwing a napkin at him, she joined him in the kitchen.

They watched a movie and Mary drank another beer because she could. She had a feeling Marshall was going to head over to her house after she was asleep and that was fine with her. She didn't really want to know when he was going because she'd worry about him. She fell asleep drooling on Marshall's shoulder around ten and he razzed her awake with false proclamations of disgust. She punched him and ran and he leapt over the back of the couch to try to catch her before she hit the bathroom. Ever faster, she washed her face and brushed her teeth in the safety of that bathroom and by the time she came out he was happily on the couch again. She called her goodnights, and as she turned into the guestroom, took a rubberband to the ass. "Ow! Dammit, Marshall!" she yelled at him as he laughed like an idiot in the other room.

**Tuesday 2:00 am**

Marshall had sat in the dark in his living room for nearly an hour mentally preparing for his trip over to Mary's house. He wanted to take the time to remember what Raph had done…to see it in his mind in order to feel the anger well up in him. He would abide by Mary's wishes and not harm the man unless he was pushed…he was hoping to be pushed.

-------

Raph awoke sluggishly when he felt the mattress sink under someone's weight as they sat down next to him. He smiled and said, "Hey Honey, where have you been? I knew you wouldn't stay mad at me for too long." He stretched and suddenly froze as a male voice answered.

"Oh, she's still mad." Marshall stated flatly. He was staring at the form of the awakened man in Mary's bed with malice.

Raphael sat up quickly, moving away from Mary's partner as he did so, "Shit! Marshall, what the hell are you doing here?...And why?"

"Sit still, Raphael, and listen to me very closely." Marshall warned in a tone of voice that sent a chill up the other man's spine.

Raphael had a brief thought of continuing to escape the confines of the bed until he saw a glint of metal in Marshall's lap. The man was holding his weapon, and even though it wasn't pointed at him, the threat was understood. "For God's sake, Marshall, what the hell are you doing? Have you gone completely insane?"

Marshall continued to speak in a low growl, ignoring Raph's questions, "You have ten minutes to pack up your things and get out of this house. Ten minutes until I remove you myself. I'm going to go out to my truck and wait, and if I don't see you leave…with your things…by the time those ten minutes have passed, I will come back in here. Do I make myself clear?"

"No…I'm not understanding this!" Raph said, clearly confused as he jumped out of the bed on the other side and began to search for clothes on the floor in the dark room. "This is stupid and crazy…where is Mary? Does she know you're here doing this crazy thing? Did she tell you we had a fight or something? I didn't know she was this mad!"

Marshall was watching him and trying to control the fury coursing through his veins. The man didn't even acknowledge what he had done. He had made the connection between Mary's mood and Marshall's visit, but couldn't even tell when the woman he supposedly loved was hurting. Didn't even know that he had hurt her. The bastard just thought she was "mad".

"She's safe, Ramirez." Marshall stated slowly and tonelessly, "She said "no"…said it and pushed you away and you took her anyway." He stood and stalked towards Raph as his words dripped with venom, backing the man up against the wall, "You raped her and I should kill you, but she won't let me. So, you're leaving now, and if I ever see your face again I'll plug you through the forehead." He took a deep breath, holstered his gun and said, "Ten minutes."

Raphael was stunned as the man's words finally made sense. "You can't say I did that! She would've stopped me if she really wanted to. She's just mad because I don't always let her have her way like everyone else does! Do you always do everything she says?" he challenged Mary's partner.

Marshall had turned to walk out of the room as he heard the man's comments, but stopped to answer his question, "I do everything she **needs**…and that's where you always failed."

Raphael became furious when Marshall turned his back on him and began throwing accusations at his retreating form, "Maybe she doesn't want it with me because she's getting it from you! Is she with you now…in your bed? She's **my** fiancé…she's **mine**!" He was dressed now and headed into the hallway to confront the retreating man…not thinking his actions through.

Brandi was awoken by Raph's shouts and opened her door to see what was going on. She saw Chico standing in Mary's doorway yelling at the other man in the hall…Marshall. "_What is Marshall doing here? Is Mary o.k.?_" her thoughts were racing. Marshall turned around and stepped towards Raph and Brandi sucked in a breath. She had never seen him look like that before and she was afraid. Marshall had always been Mary's goofy, nerdy partner and Brandi would sometimes wonder how useful he could possibly be as a cop. In that instant when she saw his face and the way he moved she suddenly knew why Mary trusted him with her life. "_Maybe I shouldn't tease him so much."_ She decided.

Marshall stood in front of Raph and said menacingly, "I already have a reason to break every fucking bone in your body, Ramirez. I just need an excuse. You crossed the line and now you're done." Raph's eyes flashed angrily and his fists clenched and Marshall's mouth lifted in a lopsided grin as he said, "Please…give me an excuse." Nearly a minute passed as the two men stared each other down. Suddenly, Marshall said softly, "Go back to bed, Brandi."

Brandi shut her door immediately and hoped Chico was still alive when Marshall left. She had no idea what had prompted this showdown, but it must've been something bad to bring her sister's partner over here in the middle of the night looking like that.

Marshall sensed Raphael back down and said, "Eight minutes" as he turned again to walk out of the house. As he passed Jinx's room, she was emerging to see what was going on. She stopped in her tracks as Marshall came down the hall and his eyes met hers. "Go back in your room" he instructed in a voice that commanded obedience. She backed up quickly and shut the door, breathing hard. The man was frightening and she wondered what the hell was going on.

He sat in his truck, gun back on his lap, and took many, deep calming breaths. His stomach turned as he mulled over Raph's words. It was all about control. Raphael wanted Mary for his own and he was treating her like a disobedient child…ignoring her wishes and punishing her for her perceived transgressions. He was really hoping to have to go back in and drag him out. One minute before Marshall would've returned, he saw Ramirez exit Mary's house with his duffle bag in hand. He got into his car and drove off and Marshall followed from a non obvious distance to make sure he wasn't going to loop back. Raph pulled into a Motel 6 and parked and Marshall sat and watched. Only after he observed the man check in and finally enter a room did he pull away.

He shook his head sadly, what Raph didn't understand is that Mary was not a woman you could possess…not a woman you could bend to your will and mold into what you wanted. She was truly that exotic animal…never tamed, but sometimes allowed you to touch her or stand by her if she so desired. She tried hard to go against her nature for Raph and had almost succumbed…she had approached that cage. Raphael thought Marshall was claiming her for his own but he was wrong. The Keeper was healing her wounds and setting her free.

**Tuesday 4:00 am**

Marshall showered and crawled into his bed after returning from Mary's feeling relieved. She'd be able to move on now, and he never doubted she would. He was just drifting off to sleep when he felt her crawl into bed with him. "Mare…what are you doing?" he was worried.

She sensed it and said, "Relax, Prudence. I'm not going to jump your bones. I just really needed to remember what safe felt like."

With that simple statement, he rolled over and reached for her. He pulled her to him and curled around her…holding her tight. He was humbled by her trust and knew this was one of the times he was protecting her from the world.

She realized this was the safest place she could possibly be…her last line of defense. She could rebuild here and she relaxed into him, finally allowing herself comfort and solace. The tears began to fall, silently and relentlessly, soaking his t-shirt and making her shoulders shake. His arms tightened around her and he buried his face in her hair as if to infuse her with his strength.

She cried until they were limp with exhaustion and Marshall stroked her hair and back soothingly. He felt her breathing slow and he whispered encouragement, "You're going to be o.k."

"Only because I have you. Thank you." she whispered. She slept soundly...with gusto.

***** That was an emotional rollercoaster to write, but I like how it turned out. Thank you for reading and, of course, your REVIEWS!!! *****


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